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- Late Night's View of the Califonia Gubernatorial Race
Leno
You know at the gubernatorial debate Wednesday night I thought Arnold Schwarzenegger stayed pretty cool during Arianna Huffingtons attacks. See, apparently he is still under orders not to kill any humans.
I think I figured out why Arianna is running as an independent, I dont think any party wants her.
And what was with Cruz Bustamante? He seemed kind of out of it, didnt he? Just kind of floating along. Apparently some of those Indian tribes mustve donated some peyote toward the campaign.
Leno
Did you see the California ship of fools make its maiden voyage last night?
Did you see the gubernatorial debate last night? The crowd got a little out of control. Luckily, security guard Gary Coleman was able to settle them down.
Was I the only one that thought there was some weird sexual tension going on between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Arianna Huffington? Hey you two, get a room!
Arianna just kept attacking Arnold. I think now I understand why her husband turned gay!
I was watching and I realized who Cruz Bustamante reminds me of. He looks like the fourth Pep Boy. The one that doesnt talk. You know, they have the three guys and then theres that one trying to get in the picture.
Curz Bustamantes message is "tough love." Dont confuse that with the Gray Davis policy of tough luck.
All of the candidates do agree on one thing. They all want to make California more business friendly. As opposed to how it is now celebrity murder friendly.
Letterman
Did you see the latest "Survivor" right here on CBS? For contestants, theres a lawyer, a bartender, a mortician ... wait, no, thats the list of Democrat presidential candidates.
Did you watch the California recall debate last night? It was crazy. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Arianna Huffington got into a heated debate over immigration. It went back and forth and back and forth and finally immigration came in and took them both away.
Conan
The big debate was last night. Arianna Huffington accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of not treating women well during part of the debate. Arnolds response was "Shut up, bitch!"
Leno
Well, they had the big debate tonight. The candidates, you know, this debate with Arnold and Cruz and all these people, they get the questions beforehand, what is that? Even Miss America contestants dont get the questions beforehand. Its like Jeopardy for dumb people, this stupid thing.
But Arnold Schwarzenegger did say as governor he would offer a tax amnesty, to which Arianna Huffington said, "Hey, you got my vote, Ill take that, sure."
Leno
Welcome to California now a division of Ringling Brothers!
Welcome to NBC's latest reality show, "Last Candidate Standing."
(long pause) Well, let's just get started I don't think Arnold is going to show.
Tonight we have 90 of the candidates running for governor of California in the recall election. The rest of the people here are all illegal aliens just taking a break on their way to get their driver's license.
This is democracy. As I look out and see everyone, I can't tell you how proud I am to be from Massachusetts.
California is the only state where you can have more candidates than registered voters.
This is a big turnout tonight. Actually, last year we had a bigger crowd than this it was J. Lo's ex-husband night.
Arianna Huffington couldn't make it tonight. She's at home looking for receipts to pay her taxes.
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