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- Valentines Day Jokes - Quickies
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses!
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What would you get it you crossed Odie with the God of love?
A stupid cupid!
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Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!
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Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!
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What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
"I'm sweet on you!"
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What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."
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What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!
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What would you call a woman who goes out with Jon?
Desperate!
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What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."
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Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you!
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What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"
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What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
"You're fun to hang around with."
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Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!"
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Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
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Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!
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Why do valentines have hearts on them?
Because spleens would look pretty gross!
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Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!
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Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?
Because you always heart the one you love!
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like a great big kiss?
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What did one light bulb say to the other?
"I love you a whole watt!"
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What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Ughs and kisses!
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