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- Dear Santa Letters (With Responses)
Santa Letters
Dear Santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy:
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f***ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah:
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
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Santa Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,Teddy
Dear Teddy:
Look, your dad's banging the baby-sitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid Mom, who rides his @ss constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis
Dear Francis:
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan:
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas:
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the @sses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica:
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiny begging sh!t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your @ss whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
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