Interview With A Farmer
A female reporter was conductingan interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.
"Mr. Brown, do you have any ideawhat might be the cause of the disease?" asked the reporter.
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?" stated the farmer.
"Umm, sir, that is newinformation to me, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"questioned the reporter.
"And did you know we milk thecows twice a day?" added the farmer.
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" demanded the reporter.
The farmer replied, "Lady, thepoint is this: if I played with your tits twice a day, but only screwed youonce a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
What A Bull
Aman and his wife were going to a costume party at a rural mansion. Just insight of the mansion, the car broke down. They decided to walk.
Since the shortest distance was across a pasture and they were going as a cow, they decided on the short cut. About halfway across the pasture, they ran into a bull that became very "interested." The husband, who was in the back, said, "What shall we do now?"
The wife, who was in front, said, "I'm going to put my head down and make believe I'm eating grass. You had better brace yourself."
Before Viagra
A rancher in Argentina, way before the existence ofViagra, had a prize Charolais bull that stopped performing. The rancher went to a local veterinarian, who gave him some pills to give to the bull.
Results were astonishing: the bull pursued and mounted every receptive cow he could find, and several times a day. After four months, the bull again stopped breeding. Since the old veterinarian had moved away, the rancher went to a new vet.
He tried to describe the pills, but could not remember the brand. "Can you remember anything at all about those pills?" asked the vet.
"No," replied the rancher, "but they did taste like almonds."
New Bull
Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them. First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I aint' giving' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 yearsand have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows."
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only ONE ANIMAL IN IT: the biggest Son-of-Another-Bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt Iwas doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for anargument." They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting-the bull's equivalent ofan Ape's beating his chest or Man's bone-chilling, war-like cry of "Stay away from my Woman, Vato!!
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."
Third Bull: "Hell, Mister, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'M a bull!"
Milk Machine
A farmer goes to his local farm equipment store and tells the salesman he wants to buy a milking machine.
"Certainly, sir. Right this way," says the salesman. "How many cows will you be milking?"
"Just one," says the farmer.
"Oh," says the salesman. "Well, sir, I really wouldn't recommend a milking machine for only one cow. You could milk three cows by hand in thetime it would take you to set up the machine and clean it afterwards."
"I said I want a milking machine. Now, are you going to sell me one, or not?" the farmer replies indignantly.
"Well, sure, I'll sell you one if that's what you want. Just making sure, that's all," says the salesman.
The salesman shows the farmer the milking machines and the farmer picks one out, after reiterating to the salesman that, yes, he really does want the machine even though he only has one cow. After he's rung up the sale, the salesman's curiosity gets the best of him. "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, why are you so insistent on buying this milking machine even after all I've said?"
"Well," says the farmer, "I got a new cow a couple of weeks ago.The first time I tried to milk her, I tried from the left side and she put her left foot in the bucket. The next day, I tried milking her from the right side and she put her right foot in the bucket. Then the next day, I tried milking her from behind and she put her tail in the bucket. The next day, being fed up,I tied her left leg to the left side of the barn, her right leg to the right side of the barn, and her tail to the rafter. Now if you can convince my wife that all I wanted to do was milk that cow, I won't need this milking machine."
Servicing
A rancher needs a bull to service his cows but needs to borrow the money from the bank. The banker who lent the money comes by aweek later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and wont even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.
The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: "The bull has serviced all my cows, broke through the fence,and has serviced all my neighbor's cows."
"Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?"
"Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer.
"What kind of pills?" asked the banker.
I don't know," says the farmer, "but they sort of taste like peppermint."
Take AWalk
Two bulls were sitting on a hill, overlooking a herd of heifers below.
The young bull says, "Hey, what's say we run down there and screw a few of those heifers, eh?"
The old, wise bull shakes his head and says, "Nah, why don't we walk down there and screw all of them?
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