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Building Clintoons Presidential Lie-brary
Building a Presidential Lie-brary
Lynn Woolley
Tuesday, Nov. 6, 2001
Now that the Arkansas Supreme Court has approved a land seizure by the city of Little Rock, work can proceed on America's newest tourist attraction the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library.
For sure, it'll be majestic, because anything having to do with Mr. Clinton always costs massive amounts of taxpayer dollars. But the big question is this: What impression of the Clinton presidency is this new library going to impart?
All right, we admit it: Presidential libraries are not intended to emphasize the failures or the downside of a chief executive's term in office. On the other hand, they are supposed to be more than mere tourist attractions; they are supposed to be somewhat scholarly.
A presidential library should contain more than memorabilia and gifts from foreign heads of state. They should contain important papers, recordings, videos and news items to convey the flavor of the times. Existing presidential libraries do those things.
So how will the William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library reflect the legacy (there's that word) of its namesake?
The guess here is that history will be carefully controlled and manipulated to show off the few true high points of the Clinton years things like minor successes in Northern Ireland and Haiti, and the strong economy. When it comes to the myriad policy failures of Mr. Clinton's years, it's quite likely that the truth will be stretched to the breaking point, or ignored altogether.
Don't expect to see much about Osama bin Laden, even though Clinton had opportunities to go after him. Dont expect to see much about saving Social Security since Clinton squandered those chances as well. Don't expect to see much about building a strong national defense since Clinton did much the opposite.
But suppose the legacy-builders who are planing the various wings decided to be completely truthful and reflect the things that Mr. Clinton will be remembered for throughout history. Perhaps the library would be arranged like this:
The Quote Room. The walls in this room would be plastered with Mr. Clinton's most famous sayings. Stuff like "I didn't inhale," "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is" and "I didn't have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."
The War Room. This room would be dedicated to the various times that Mr. Clinton and his advisers felt the need to attack. Exhibits would detail how they formulated strategy to go after Gary Aldrich, Newt Gingrich, Paula Corbin Jones, Kathleen Willey, Billy Dale of the White House Travel Office and others. There'd be a special sub-wing devoted to the attacks on Kenneth Starr.
The Bimbo Wing. No Clinton library would be complete without a room carpeted in Astroturf. The room would feature lifelike wax figures of Ms. Jones and Ms. Willey along with Juanita Broaddrick, Dolly Kyle Browning, Gennifer Flowers and others. A glass case would display the famous semen-stained dress belonging to "that woman." Audiotapes would feature phone conversations of Mr. Clinton instructing Ms. Flowers and Ms. Lewinsky to deny everything.
The Whitewater Wing. Oops, a problem. Does Susan McDougal's wax figure go here, or in the Bimbo Wing? Anyway, Jim McDougal would be featured along with still-current opportunities to buy some swampland in Arkansas. There'd also be a virtual window of the Madison Guaranty Savings & Loan, where you could deposit a donation to the Clintons.
The Impeachment Wing. This is a very important part of the library because everyone who helped Clinton escape conviction would be immortalized in wax. That includes Paul Begala, James Carville, the FLOTUS, and almost the entire Senate. There'd be so much wax in this room that the Little Rock Fire Department would be on constant alert.
The China Room.What would a Clinton library be if not multicultural? This room would show off our nation's friendship with China that blossomed during the Clinton administration. Exhibits would include a virtual nuclear warhead aimed at Los Angeles. Since only the United States (and, well, China) know the delivery systems of these missiles, Craig Livingstone would be hired to guard this room.
The Hillary Section. More than just an insignificant wing, this vast area is dedicated to the co-president herself. There will be photos of Ms. Clinton kissing Suha Arafat and tapes of her supporting a Palestinian state. There'll be daily seminars on how to invest in cattle futures. An exhibit of Hillary working on nationalizing the health care system will be closed to the public. A gift registry will be available for those who'd like to help furnish one of the Clinton mansions.
Of course, this is all a dream. The Clinton library will be built for the Clintons' private use and for legacy building. But if it's not going to be factual, then what is it worth?And if it IS going to be truthful, then why would the city of Little Rock want such an embarrassment?
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