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The Clinton Pardons
NEW EVIDENCE SHOWS CLINTON PARDONED HITLER,
SATAN, SELF
In new documents just revealed by the Justice Department,
in addition to the controversial pardon of fugitive Marc Rich,
former President Clinton also pardoned Adolph Hitler and Satan.
With minutes to go before his term expired, Clinton signed an
order to pardon himself.
Clinton's press liaison defended the pardons. "President
Clinton reasoned it's time to put this whole 'World War' thing
behind us.
"While Hitler did indeed have a few bad years, he's been a
model of civility for the last 56 years. We think he deserves
a second chance."
Clinton seemed to identify with Hitler. "There were forces
constantly at work against him. I'm not condoning what he did,
mind you, but I feel his pain. I know exactly what it's like to
have the media of the world against you."
Clinton's pardon of Satan drew some right-wing Republican
protests. Representative Dan Burton called upon Clinton to
appear before Congress and explain the action. Burton
believes there was a deal between the Prince of Darkness
and Clinton to help build Clinton's Presidential Library in
exchange for the pardon and Clinton's soul.
Democrats were quick to dismiss the charges. Senator
Tom Daschle said, "These charges are bogus because
President Clinton sold his soul to Satan years ago."
Just before he posed for pictures on Inauguration Day with
the new president, Clinton signed a pardon forgiving himself
"for any goddamned thing anyone wants to pin on me, for
all eternity -- even things they've not found out about yet!"
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