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Clinton Excuses
Welcome to CLinton Excuse Headquarters
The "I don't recall" method:
Clinton doesn't recall how (Pick any scandal) happened
It was a bureaucratic SNAFU
Clinton just doesn't remember what happened
We are all forgetful
Maybe Bill just forgot about the affair for seven months!
The conspiracy method:
There is a vast, right winged conspiracy out to get Clinton!
This is a partisan investigation
This investigation was brought on by partisan opponents of the presidency
Those republicans planted all that evidence!
Monica Lewinsky was sent in by the republicans to seduce and bring down Clinton
The Republicans do it too excuse:
The republicans took money from (fill in any major corporation) and that company sells products in foreign countries. Therefore, republicans are accepting profits made in other countries and allowing foreign access to campaign funding. Bill Clinton simply saved the company from the burden of transferring the money by hiring Charlie Trie and John Huang to do this
Bob Dole made phone calls from his house
Everybody does it.
I can't remember a president who didn't have an affair with somebody (nevermind Carter, Reagan, and Bush)
Newt Gingrich is a criminal. Attack him instead!
Republicans are all corrupt because they are greedy
Bill Clinton did it only to ensure we are safe in America and only to show how much he cares
Blame everything on Ronald Reagan:
Reagan messed up the economy (nevermind he didn't. We already know he helped it but that is beside the point)
Reagan had a scandal too (yes, we know its been settled by congress and Oliver North was set free, but stretching the truth can turn an incident like Iran-Contra into watergate. Just ask Bill Clinton. Us democrats may still catch Reagan yet! Especially since we are the only people who ever show concern for Iran-Contra hearings anyway)
Ronald Reagan was supported by republicans and republicans are greedy
Change the subject:
Republicans are poisoning are water
Republicans are slashing medicare
Republicans want to strip mine the rain forest
Republicans are cutting taxes!
Republicans want to destroy welfare
Republicans hate endangered species
Republicans eat meat!
Republicans want to nuke our national parks for no apparant reason
Republicans (fill in the blank)
Liberals are always open minded
Use the James Carville method:
Ya drag a hundre dolla bill through a trailer park an see what ya come out with!
Kenneth Starr wants to get Bill Clinton
Kenneth Starr is from Mars
Kenneth Starr is a republican
Kenneth Starr is not a democrat
Kenneth Starr is mean spirited
I don't know what the fuss is, i've participated in the same scandals and never got caught
The False Statistics method:
Kenneth Starr has wasted $30 million trying to get Bill Clinton (we know its only about $20 million but 30 makes it sound alot worse)
Kenneth Starr has wasted $45 million trying to get Bill Clinton
Kenneth Starr has wasted $50 million trying to get Bill Clinton
Kenneth Starr has wasted $100 million trying to get Bill Clinton
The National Endowment for the Arts spends only $100 million a year (this stat is true) and that is but a penny compared to the rest of our government spending measures.
There hasn't been a single conviction (actually there have been 15 from Starr and many from other scandals but that's an insignificant detail)
Republicans have been trying to get Clinton for 5 years and don't have any evidence
Clinton's approval is excellent and that is all that matters
The Bill Clinton is surrounded by criminals method:
Bill Clinton knows alot of people as president
They just happen to all be criminals - Bill Clinton can't help that
Bill Clinton is a victim of these criminals actions and unfairly bears the blame
Republicans placed all these criminals here in a plot to get Clinton
Hillary's brother Hugh did it all without either of the Clintons knowing
Bill's brother Roger did it all without either of the Clintons knowing
Trial related excuses:
You are innocent until proven guilty - even for those who plea guilty or are convicted
Bill Clinton shouldn't have to go to trial because he is innocent no matter what
They have no evidence (okay, they do, but that's okay)
Bill Clinton is on active duty
Bill Clinton is above the law
Bill Clinton has to run the country. He is too busy for a trial
Hillary can go to trial for him
Executive Privilege
Spousal Privilege
Attorney-Client Privilege
He said he was sorry! Lets forget the whole thing...crimes and all!
Someone else did it:
It was Hillary
It was Betty Currie
It was Vince Foster
It was Web Hubbell
It was Hugh Rodham
It was Denise Rich
It was a lowly White house staffer
It was Socks
It was a REPUBLICAN!
The "American People" Method:
Americans have a natural bias against people from Arkansas
So what if he admitted it! The people say they don't care
So what if he committed a crime! The people say they don't care
So what if he sold us out to Chinese Commies! The people say they don't care
So what if he was impeached! The people say they don't care
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