Carter vs. Clinton
Jimmy Carter had a nicer wife,
A smarter baby brother,
A less frightening mom,
And a...No, we can't bring ourselves to make fun of the first daughter, especially since some of us have been going through an awkward adolescent stage for nearly four decades. But we can say: "Darn it, Hillary, quit fussing with your hair and do something about Chelsea's."
And, speaking of coiffures, Jimmy Carter never in his life got a haircut that cost more than $2.50, if appearances are anything to go by.
Carter had governed a more important state.
Carter had once held a job.
He came from a more cosmopolitan hometown,
And had a more charismatic vice president.
It took Carter months to wreck the economy.
It took Carter weeks to become a national laughingstock.
Carter committed adultery only in his heart.
And, if we know anything about female tastes, Carter was telling the truth about that.
As for military record, Carter was, comparatively speaking, a regular Audie Murphy.
They were on drugs during the Carter administration--they had an excuse.
We were on drugs during the Carter administration--we had an excuse.
Carter looked--think back carefully, we promise we're telling the truth about this--less foolish in his jogging outfit.
Jogging actually worked for Carter. Say what you want against the man, he's no double-butt.
Carter passed out while jogging and the nation was safe for a moment.
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