President Bush Makes His First Speech to the Nation:
MY FELLOW AMERICANS, it's about freaking time!
All you liberals can just kiss my big, white Texas ass if you think
I'm gonna puff a boatload of bipartisan bullshit your way.
Let's set the record straight here. I WON, DAMN'IT!
Hell, I won the count FOUR OR FIVE TIMES, you stupid
bastards. We got the Presidency, we got Congress, and by
the end of four years we'll have even more of the Supreme Court
than we do now.
The Republicans are here, we ain't goin away, and we're
gonna show you sorry bastards how it's done.
Ya'll want me to reach across party lines?
How 'bout I reach across and bitch-slap you sorry-liberal bastards
up side yo' head? WACK! How'dya like that? How 'bout another one?
WACK! Smarts, don't it!
This might sound snippy, Mr. Gore, but as we used to say in the
sandlot...LOSERS WALK!!! Now scram!
You too, Bill! And Hill!
As I said in my campaign, I promised to be a president who focuses on
education. So my first task as President will be to start an educational
program for all you Florida-morons who can't tell how to poke a stylus
through the right hole. I don't get you liberal lefties: when we're talking
about Bill Clinton and some camp tramp, you say that lack of penetration
doesn't count; but when it comes to ballots, somehow,
lack of penetration DOES count.
So all you left-wing, tree-hugging, welfare-advocating,
earth-loving, ethnically diversifying, mink-freeing, porno-loving,
paganistic, homo-tolerating, feminist, vegetarian, protestor,
antigun, criminal sympathizing-types jess buck yoreselves up ...
'cause guess what? You better give your souls to Jesus,
now, cause your collective asses belong to me!
I got just one question: "Who's yer daddy???"
(Want another one of them bitch slaps? WACK!
Smarts, don't it!)
And so, my fellow Americans, I humbly accept the office of
President of these United States.
Thank you all, and, good night.
Dubyah.
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