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EVIDENCE OF KERRY MEDICAL PROBLEMS MOUNT
EVIDENCE OF KERRY'S MOUNTING MEDICAL PROBLEMS By: G.Marnier, SatireNewsService While asserting for years that he was physically fit in all areas, particularly those where he claimed he "legitimately" earned three Purple Hearts though he never missed even a day on duty, evidence of John Kerry's mounting neurological dysfunction was manifested during a Q and A session prior to his boarding the campaign plane after a fund-raiser in Lalaville, California. Anxious to get airborne, Tom Brokow who is being mentioned as a possible running mate with Kerry, plus reporters from CBS, ABC, The New York Times, Washington Post and other staunch Kerry supporters stood to one side with what a crewman described as a "They're bored. They've heard it all before. They want their martinis" attitude. Off the record, a psychiatrist who was preparing to board a different flight, shared with SNS's reporter his summation of the Democratic Presidential candidate's "pathological narcissistic hysteria of clinical proportions, resulting in the steady disintegration of Kerry's physical features and intellectual capacity." He based his diagnosis on hundreds of hours of unrelentingly pro-Kerry televison news coverage. "Watch the continuously waving, fully extended arms. Its root cause lies at the sub-conscious core of a psycho-physiological attempt to compensate for his lack of balance in political, historical, military, governmental and social matters and ultimately manifests itself in four-plus hysteria," adding that he thought the "Thoroughly unprofessional reluctance on the part of too many in the media to question who Kerry really is, is clearly a continuation of their past and present refusal to investigate Clinton. We do not need another psychological unknown in the White House." After assuring the doctor that SNS was not in that group, the reporter opened her 30 second allotted time and asked two questions based on what the doctor suggested would elicit evidence of the symptomotology. "Sen. Kerry, to what degree do you think North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il's support for your election, combined with your history of support for the Viet Cong when you returned from Viet Nam and your present anti-war statements, have encouraged the Iraqi terrorists to continue killing our troops? And, a second question: Would you comment on why your quoted obscenities were removed from the "John Kerry for President" web site?" (http://blog.johnkerry.com/blog/archives/000871.html) Wildly waving his arms, Kerry started yelling "I have THIS much money and I've NEVER had Botox in my forehead and furthermore, I never even HEARD of it even though my wife had it in HER face, and I did NOT marry her for her money no matter what SHE says...I mean what people like YOU say...just like I didn't marry my FIRST wife for HER money and I don't even LIKE ketchup or BAGEL Bites or SMART Ones or Star KIST or OREIDA Fries, and I am NOT a spoiled brat and that's because I'm the most LIBERAL person in the whole Senate, and GENDER roles are artificial, and homosexuality is NATURAL, and capital punishment is DEAD wrong, and abortion on demand is the right of EVERY citizen, and standardized tests are RACIST, and racial quotas and set-asides are FAIR, and pornography should be PROTECTED under the Constitution and ALLOWED on the internet, and on TV too, and be openly accessible in libraries and in BOOK stores..." at which point he lost his balance and started staggering towards the psychiatrist and SNS reporter. Following the instructions listed in his contract, the flight attendant loudly clapped his hands three times and Kerry paused, straightened up and missing not a beat, extended his arms once again and yelled: "....and MANGER scenes at Christmas are in DIRECT violation of the separation of Church and State in this country which I served, and not in some little National GUARD unit and I have FIVE medals to prove it, just like I have a dead WOMAN, a BABY, an old MAN and some Vietnamese SOLDIERS to my credit, too and I did TOO get a scratch on my arm and it BLED, and I can have ANYTHING I want, and just because hundred of thousands of Iraqis were killed by Saddam Hussein and his two dead sons...well, they were alive when they did the killing, but that's beside the point...Bush STILL hasn't found the WMD's he said were there and that's because I voted to cut 6 billion dollars from the CIA funds...NO, I mean it's NOT because I voted to cut 6 billion from the CIA... and I didn't have any f**king four-letter words on my web site and I don't care WHAT Drudge says, and just because my face is WHITE doesn't mean my heart isn't BLACK...no, DAMN it, I mean I would be the SECOND black president and a F**KING good one just like CLINTON was when he wasn't officially screwing around with OTHER things, and who has to listen to YOU anyway, so take your f**king s**t questions and go F**K yourself and anybody who says I'm not fit to be president is a F**ING S**T HEAD, so THERE!!!" Brokow and two reporters from the New York Times who had positioned themselves beside and in front of him, quickly took Kerry's arms and led him up the stairs to the campaign plane. The psychiatrist finished writing in his notebook, exchanged e-mail addresses with SNS's reporter, shook hands and proceeded to board his flight. 
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