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DEAN BARES ALL IN TRYING TO KEEP ABREAST OF KERRY GAINS
DEAN BARES ALL IN TRYING TO KEEP ABREAST OF KERRY GAINS By: G.Marnier - SatireNewsService At a closed door strategy meeting in January during which Democratic candidate Howard Dean excoriated his advisors for his sinking campaign and their failure to get publicity for him at any time and in any place possible, it was decided that the NFL Super Bowl game would be the perfect opportunity for exposure to the millions of voters who would be watching the event. A call was put through to Janet Jackson, suggesting a Dean "surprise" walk-on during her half-time performance. Jackson agreed and a secret rehearsal was held in a room under the stadium two hours prior to the game. Present were Dean, his campaign manager Hesa Yeller, Jackson, Justin Timberlake who would be singing with Jackson, the video director and the band leader. Due to rumors of possible terrorist acts during the game, video cameras had been installed throughout the entire stadium structure and it was through one of the security camera operators who asked to not be identified, that SNS obtained a copy of Dean's performance, which was prefaced by advice from the director who told Dean "Just stand there while Janet and Justin are singing, smile and look like you're part of the show. Be yourself." Visibly irked, Dean reminded him that he'd had years of experience in front of TV cameras "being himself" and he wanted to show young people that he was as "with it," as they were, at which point he put his arm around Jackson and started to attack Bush, the war in Iraq, budget deficits, Kerry, unemployment, Clark,Edwards, health care deficiencies and pollsters. The director yelled "Cut" and told Dean, "This isn't your show. Pack it in and get out." Dean left, slamming the door behind him and according to the security tape, Justin then yelled "That it. We're changing the song to 'I'll have you naked by the end of the show''. The director and band leader agreed and a plastic surgeon who specializes in metallic mammary augmentation was summoned, along with a seamstress to rework Jackson's costume. Calls by SNS to Dean's campaign manager were not returned. 
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