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SANTA AXES ACLU
SANTA AXES ACLU By: G.Marnier - SatireNewsService In an effort to show their opposition to the celebration of Christmas and the shutting down of government offices, Dork Dingdong, head of the ACLU in East Overshoe, Arkansas, erected a tombstone on the lawn in front of his home. After numerous reports to the police about children being traumatized by the monument, the Mayor notified the police chief to arrest Dingdong for psychological "abuse of minors". This is an absolute disgrace." Mayor Lee said. "Whether the ACLU likes it or not, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ, not Neiman Marcus, J.C. Penney or Abercrombie and Fitch. Good stores, all, but if it weren't for what the day means to people, they wouldn't be making tons of money." Local plumber Clem "Brickwall" Sheridan, whose son Teddy was extremely upset by the tombstone, told SNS "Dork don't know nothin from Shinola. I gotta mind to put sometin on his lawn and it won't be no piece of granite, neither." Clergy representing the churches of East Overshoe are planning a Christmas eve service in front of Dingdong's house and will be joined by members of the police and fire department, local citizens and many from adjoining towns, plus Santa's helpers who have been taking children's wish-lists in the local stores over the past few weeks. "We'll pray that Mr. Dingdong will come to understand that Santa Claus is a good, fair and trusted representative of the message that God loves us all, even those who deny Him His birthday," Fr. Joseph of St. Mary's Catholic Church said in his sermon at Mass the day after the tombstone was put in place. Dingdong has been an active supporter of Gen. Wesley Clark's run for the White House and has disagreed with Sheridan and other's in the town who have supported the overthrow of Saddam Hussein. Many of their sons and husbands are now serving in Iraq and Clark's opposition to the war has brought them together in their support of President Bush. "Come next November, we're gonna show dem liberals that just because Clinton and Clark come from around here, don't mean the rest of us are spineless," Sheridan told SNS as he picked up his son, put him in his truck and headed for the town square where a Christmas crèche was being built by the school children of East Overshoe. 
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