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SADDAM FOUND HIDING IN HOLE. SO IS DEAN
SADDAM FOUND HIDING IN HOLE. SO IS DEAN By: G.Marnier - SatireNewsService After stating that the capture of Saddam Hussein was a "Great day" for America, Democrat front runner Howard Dean hastily retreated to a secret meeting with his political advisors. Among those present were Baldy Carville, Owl Gore, Ed Asner who identifies Americans as "pigs", Al Franken, Michael Moore and the Dixie Chicks. Although the press was barred from the meeting, SNS was able to find a waiter willing to wear a wire and hidden camera while serving straight bourbon to those assembled. The waiter, who was assured he would not be identified, fled Iraq after Saddam's forces executed his family. According to the tapes, Dean was enraged that the capture of Saddam could adversely affect his bid for the presidency. "Who do these people think they are, going in there and finding Saddam without proper authorization from the UN? Did they ask me - the next president of the United States - what I thought? No. It's just more of Bush trying to prove he was right to send troops in there in the first place. And why? To stop terrorism that's aimed at America? Prove it. No, that's not what I meant. I mean I know about these things. I'm a doctor. I should have been consulted." Dean did not elaborate on what sort of consultation the military would be required to seek from a civilian who dodged the draft by claiming to have spondylolysis, an orthopedic problem with his back which was so serious he was required to go skiing during the Viet Nam war. When informed of the claimed condition, an Army surgeon serving in Iraq said the correct spelling was "spinallackthereof". With increasing anger, Dean listed his appeal to voters. "I am a 'metrosexual,' a straight man in touch with my feminine side. Look at Bush. He doesn't even have a feminine side, for God's sake. I was governor of the most progressive state in the Union and my files will prove it. I'm solidly behind homosexual marriage and I support teaching children the fairness of all life styles and this is where we can beat Bush because the media will cover for me...I mean cover my agenda fairly. They're on our side." There were no questions relative to Dean's sealed files while he was governor, which he said he will not open for 10 years. Although not standing next to Dean at the podium as he had earlier in the week when he endorsed his candidacy, Owl Gore was available for questioning by SNS when he left the meeting for a trip to the men's room. When asked his opinion of Saddam's capture, Gore said "Our troops had no right to be there to begin with but at least I invented the computer technology that enabled them to find Saddam and I did that before I won the last election. I am a Democrat and Democrats care. To sum it up in one word, we understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." Although his recording devices were not discovered, the waiter was shoved out of the room because of a statement he made after Dean angrily pounded on the podium and shouted that Bush still hadn't found any weapons of mass destruction. "Meester Dean. Presdent Boosh found dose weapons. Day are Saddam and his two dead sons, Uday and Qusay. Day killed tousands of my peeple and now day are gone. God bless America." When exiting the building, Dean refused to answer SNS's question whether Saddam's first words when captured were "Vote for Howard Dean" and had he promised Dean any of the $750,000 dollars he had stored with him in the hole where he was found. 
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