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CLINTON CLEARS THE DECKS FOR DEMOCRATS, DYKES AND THE DISADVANTAGED
CLINTON CLEARS THE DECKS FOR DEMOCRATS, DYKES AND THE DISADVANTAGED BY: G.Marnier - SatireNewsService In the face of her declining support in the polls, Senator Clinton gave a campaign speech to the - DEMO DAMES FOR HILL - and told the audience that her reason for addressing them was that too many groups of people had been shunned not only by the Republicans but by several of the candidates in her own party, and she was determined to demonstrate to the nation that she represented all those who freely expressed themselves and lived the lives they found were theirs by their inalienable rights under the Constitution. The first to present themselves as evidence of her commitment to individualism were three staff members from the Senator's office in Washington. A man wearing an "I'm for Hill" banner across his bare chest, jumped up on the stage and shouted that not liking Obama had nothing to do with racism. The four of them then moved to the left side of the stage while the Senator welcomed a gentleman who had been appointed the official symbolizer of her steadfast, upstanding, unwavering opposition to those who will not put their foot down and stand up for what they believe. At this point, a door at the back of the stage opened and a woman who had worked closely with Clinton to convince the American public that the feminist movement had finally succeeded in their efforts for equality in all areas of society including lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered admirers, proceeded to demonstrate why John Edwards' unconscionable spending $400.00 of taxpayer's money for a haircut was another reason to vote for Senator Clinton In evidence of concern that some Republican candidates were challenging the right that every woman has to kill her unborn baby if she wants to, a feminist gynecologist presented to the audience the results of lengthy research into the most efficient method of birth control by putting the ultimate responsibility for non-conception on the male. As further proof of the feminists' appeal to those who are not well received in many areas, a heretofore un-shown portrait of one of the Senators staunchest supporters was flashed on the wall behind the podium. Amid much clapping and cheering, Clinton then asked for quiet and proceeded to list her agenda for the office of President of the United States. She would first and foremost apologize to the martyrs in Iraq who were forced to kill themselves and thousands of children because the U.S. had invaded their country. She insured that there will always be freedom to worship God in America as long as it isn't practiced in schools or have His name on Government buildings. Interspersed with more clapping and cheering, she continued to support making health care reform more acceptable by having a more centralized Government pay the cost for one and all and for allowing ex-felons to vote. She cited her opposition to drilling for oil in Alaska but felt raising taxes on the wealthy to pay for the increased cost of oil from the Middle East was economically sound and sociologically fair. Regardless of their background or known record of threats including supposed terrorists, eavesdropping or accessing files of anyone by any government agency was unfair and a violation of privacy, unless done by the media. Reporters from the Washington ComPost, New York Times, ABC, CBS and NBC all stood and bowed. Unbeknownst to those inside, former Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss was parading outside wearing a "Hollywood for Hill" sign and as she walked past impeached President Clinton, she gave him a very familiar high sign which he returned. He then continued talking with reporters about the recent photograph of his wife showing cleavage. He did not find the stories amusing and said that although he had no way of substantiating, or was even interested in knowing whether she had cleavage or not, he had been told by a plastic surgeon - who would remain nameless - that one of the problems with long-term, continuous Botox injections was the gravitational falling of tissue from the face to the chest and legs and this could certainly cause a condition that could be interpreted as cleavage and fat thighs. As people started exiting the auditorium, Bill headed out a side door to a waiting Rolls Royce being driven by a blond female chauffeur smoking a cigar. 
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