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Strange Definitions
Abdicate: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Account: A countess' husband.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Amnesia: The condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.
Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.
Atheism: A non-prophet organization.
Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.
Baloney: Where some skirt hemlines fall.
Barium: What we do to most people when they die.
Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.
Benign: What you be after you be eight.
Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Burglarize: What a crook sees with.
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Classic: A book that people praise, but do not read.
Clothes dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.
Coffee: A person who is coughed upon.
College: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Control: A short, ugly inmate.
Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Courtesy: The art of yawning with your mouth closed.
Derange: Where dee buffalo roam.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Divorce: The future tense of marriage.
Eclipse: What an Italian barber does for a living.
Egotist: Someone me-deep in conversation.
Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Experience: The name people give to their mistakes.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
Fancy restaurant: One that serves cold soup on purpose.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Feedback: The inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
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