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RATHER'S CONTESTED DOCUMENT SOURCE UNEARTHED
RATHER'S CONTESTED DOCUMENT SOURCE UNEARTHED By: G. Marnier, SatireNewsService Following a secret meeting between DNC chief Terry McAuliffe, CBS News President Andrew Heyward, Dan Rather, Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry and Michael Moore, a statement was released asserting that "We believe that the documents supporting Dan Rather's statements on '60 Minutes' are authentic and are not forgeries, as the Bush campaign has charged. Our sources were and continue to be absolutely reliable and prove that CBS is a network to be respected for its insistence on accuracy in media and confidence in its sources." All parties involved continue to refuse to name the person or persons who furnished the documents to Rather and after repeatedly not returning phone calls, SNS went to the DNC headquarters in D.C. in an effort to get to the source. The CBS video truck was parked at curbside and although the crew failed to notice a man who just exited the building, SNS thought he was worth interviewing and asked him if he had any business with CBS and did he know who might have furnished the Bush military service documents to Rather. "Man, like, you know, I did and you're the first one who's ever asked me. I really dig Kerry. He like stands up and waves his arms and man, does he flip flop. I love him for it. How can you, like grow if you don't keep changing your mind? I really wanna help that cat get in the White House cause he's for all the stuff I'm for, like rich women and not goin to war and man, all that stuff he says about the military. He can't stand them and I can't either. They all dress alike and man, I don't wanna ever be like anybody else. I'm me and proud of it." When asked specifically how he came to have the documents, he told SNS that "You think I can't make that stuff up on my computer? I can do anything and when the thought crossed, you know, my brain, about helping Kerry, I thought like, who's the best guy on TV to go after Bush? Jennings and the other one, what's his name Browncow, they'd do like anything to get rid of Bush, too. But nobody's more on our side than the Dan man, so I started writing what I knew they'd wanna see." Pausing while he readjusted one of the attachments on his lips, he continued: "Man, you shoulda like seen how glad he was when I handed him the papers. Never even like asked me where I got them or anything else. He laughed and laughed all over the place. I just now took some more up to him." SNS asked: "Have you been compensated?" "Compen what? What kinda person you like think I am? I haven't done that stuff in like months. Man, I'm clean," at which point he stepped on his skate board and took off down the street. Although SNS did not secure his name, he did agree to a photograph. 
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